shodo | open post

[It's a relief to see Kaoru somewhat happy. Kojirou expected him to look just as miserable as he first came to his place. But it's not the same. Something seems to be different. Kojirou isn't exactly sure what, but he is happy that Kaoru is doing well. Maybe too well... so he is still going to worry for a little.]

Yeah, sure, take your time.

[He smiles a little tired as he pulls Kaoru to him and kisses his cheek.]

I'll put some clothes for you on the bed. And you know where to find the painkillers, right?

[ Humming into the kiss, he returns it with one on Kojiro's mouth. He doesn't see any reason to be shy, but he also knows that Kojiro is likely to treat him delicately for the rest of the night, given the state he'd been in the last time he'd had any kind of confrontation with Ainosuke. He'll just have to prove to him that he's alright, really, so he kisses him again before pulling away. ]

Yeah, thanks. [ He looks down at his broken board and feels a pang in his chest. Even though logically he knows how old it is and that it was bound to break sooner or later, it still hurts to see it like this. They've been through a lot together, which is one reason he hadn't been able to abandon the pieces in the warehouse. Hopefully Kojiro understands because Kaoru props each half up against the wall next to the front door before disappearing into the bathroom for a shower. ]

[Kojirou sighs as Kaoru kisses him. His heart flutters because it does every time they kiss. He watches him put his broken board down and leave for the bathroom. Kojirou takes a moment to watch the pieces of the board, feeling sorry for Kaoru. He knows the other likes to cling to things, likes to keep them close, and one of his most precious possessions was that board. Even if skateboards are disposable...

Right, at least it's only that board Adam has broken, god knows he tried to break something else too. So Kojirou turns to go to put some clothes out for Kaoru before he gets angry again. Then he gets to the kitchen and starts preparing the salad for the leftover olive pasta. And make some garlic bread too. It's not stress cooking, it's just... snacks...]

[ Kaoru knows that it's probably suspicious how long he takes in the shower, but he can't help feeling that it might be worthwhile. Despite how the afternoon had gone, he's still got that good feeling keeping him warm, and he thinks that maybe he's ready to sleep with Kojiro. It's been a struggle for him, given how pressured he'd been to have sex with Ainosuke, but that's all the more reason that he's wanted to feel like it was the right time with Kojiro.

By the time he exits the bathroom, the apartment is full of the scent of cooking garlic. It makes his stomach rumble and he realizes he has more of an appetite than he previously thought. He needs to be careful not to let Kojiro fatten him up too much. Stopping in the bedroom to put on clothes, he opts for the borrowed boxers and sweater but skips the pants. When he comes back out into the main living area, he finds Kojiro and comes up behind him to slip his arms around his waist and hold onto him. ] Smells good, almost ready?

[Kojirou is still not stress cooking, he is just warming up the cold pasta and refreshes it with some spices and... oh hell, he did end up stress cooking in the end.]

Salad and garlic bread is ready, on the table. I'm about to serve the pasta too.

[He pats Kaoru's arm around him with his free hand and looks over his shoulder at him. Once again his breath comes short for a moment to see Kaoru in his clothes. There's just something about it. Something possessive. So Kojirou turns back to the almost ready food.]

Feeling better?

[ Humming his response, he lingers despite the fact that he should clearly be going to the table. Instead, he wants to bask in Kojiro's warmth a little longer, feeling his muscles working as he moves and breathes. He lets his arms relax their hold only so there's an excuse for his hands slipping a little lower on Kojiro's stomach, then he pulls away long enough to push up on his toes and kiss the back of his neck. ]

You didn't have plans tonight, did you? [ He doubts it, except for the possibility that he had a shift at the restaurant, but it feels like something he should ask anyway. The answer won't stop him from sitting down at the table where the food is waiting, nor will it make him leave Kojiro alone for a second of the night. ]

[Kaoru's closeness and touches are so very welcome. Though Kojirou feels a bit on edge as those arms drop lower on him. It's not that it's not nice, but it's definitely inappropriate to think of such when Kaoru is hurt. Or maybe it's all those times he was trying to prevent himself from venturing into those thoughts...The kiss on the back of his neck doesn't help. It feels electric. And he wonders if it's the first time anyone has kissed him there. It feels very... intimate.]

I switched shifts when I got your text, so I'm free for tonight.

[It was a mess, but there are more important things in life than work on some days. As if he could concentrate on anything other than Kaoru tonight. It's better for all those people in the restaurant too. So Kojirou just turns to smile at Kaoru when the pasta is ready.]

Here you go.

[Then he dumps more than half of the pasta onto Kaoru's plate from the pan.]

You spoil me. [ He says it with a tone that makes it obvious how much he enjoys that, though. With Ainosuke, he had often been the one chasing his attention while being second to various things; with Kojiro, he feels like a priority that is truly valued. On top of that is the fact that Kojiro doesn't expect anything back from him, that they just care for each other without it being a transaction or arrangement.

Kaoru really had been an idiot not to pursue his first crush, but at least they're together now. ]

Hey, that's too much! [ He laughs at it, though, and reaches for Kojiro's plate so that he can shovel some of the pasta over onto it in order to even out the portions. ] Are you trying to hoard the garlic bread for yourself?

[Kojirou wants to say that Kaoru deserves it all. All the spoiling and good things he could get. So he is glad for the tone, that Kaoru doesn't reject it. It makes him happy too. To know that Kaoru will be alright, that they will be alright.

Now that Kojirou has him, he will treat him as he deserves.]

You need to eat! [Kojirou huffs as he's watching Kaoru put some of the food back on his table.] Maybe I will if you reject the pasta, geez!

[He sits down to the table too, pulling his plate toward himself so Kaoru won't put more food on it.]

[ The playful energy between them is reinvigorating, so different from the way he was constantly on edge with Ainosuke. He nearly slaps himself at making yet another comparison—even a good one—because he shouldn't be thinking about that past at all. Instead, he grabs for the bread and puts some on his plate before Kojiro can make good on his threat to eat it all himself.

Digging in to the meal, he stretches his legs out enough to bump ankles with Kojiro. ] So, how do you think your family will react to you traveling abroad?

[Kaoru grabbing some of the bread makes Kojirou smile again. He leaves them on the plate for now, if Kaoru would want more he could have it all. Though he doesn't announce it loudly as he starts on his salad for now.

When he feels the other's legs against his, he nudges him playfully.]

My family, huh?

[He asks softly, feeling that bittersweet feeling in his gut. Right, what would they say? Well, his father would tell him he barely speaks any languages so it will be a struggle, but then his step-mom would surely tell him he can still speak the language of love... Kojirou chuckles to himself as he imagines that conversation.]

They won't like it. I'm gonna miss them too. But if I tell them it's for love I'm sure they'll understand.

[His question is careful as he asks.]

What about yours?

[ The way that Kojiro softens at the mention of his family makes Kaoru wonder if he shouldn't have brought it up. They have very different relationships with their families, and just because Kaoru rebels against the strict traditions of his own family doesn't mean he should drag Kojiro into with him. It's the one reason he's nervous about leaving together—it's fine to mess up his own life, but he'd never live down the guilt of ruining Kojiro's future, too.

Humming into his pasta as he takes a bite, Kaoru slumps a little further down in his chair. Then Kojiro has to go and say something sweet about love and make Kaoru blush all over. ] Maybe we shouldn't leave, I don't want to take you from them.

[ He stuffs a piece of bread into his mouth to avoid having to answer. His family won't approve and most likely will actively try to stop him, so he had sort of planned to leave first and tell them about it after. Kojiro probably won't approve of that plan, though. ] They'll hate it, talk about being a disappointment, and try to stop me.

[Kojirou huffs as he is nudging a piece of olive with his fork.]

It's not like we leave forever, Kaoru.

[He is indeed nervous about this all. And that he will miss his family immensely. But there are some things that he is ready to sacrifice for someone he also loves. It's a bit of an overwhelming feeling, not entirely good, but it isn't bad either. Yet Kojirou can't really look at Kaoru.

However, he grows a little worried as Kaoru speaks. As someone who has a fairly good relationship with his family, it breaks his heart Kaoru doesn't seem to have the same. It must be lonely.]

But you're still gonna leave, right?

[ Kojiro says that with such conviction like he knows that they'll come back. The only problem with that is whether or not it remains true. Kaoru can imagine falling in love with another country and the freedom he has from everything tying him down in Japan. Would he want to leave that when Kojiro inevitably gets homesick? It makes his chest ache, stomach tightening a bit and making him set down his food. He really shouldn't have brought this up, not when he had been feeling so good moments before. Idiot. ]

It's cruel, but I'll only leave if you come with me. [ He looks up at him, his expression a mixture of guilt and hope. Hinging all of this on Kojiro is unfair to him, but he's the one with more to lose by leaving and so it should be his decision. ]

[The short silence makes Kojirou realize this really isn't a simple matter they got themselves into. It sounded so easy to leave, but now that they talk about it, he admits it may not be as simple as he imagined.

He looks at Kaoru then. If they won't leave, Ainosuke could find them again. He can find Kaoru again. Kojirou still remembers all those times he wished he would have done something. And those times he was sheltering Kaoru after he was hurt, feeling helpless and angry.

Now he did something; he told Kaoru of his feelings and told him he will help him. It's not cruel to ask for help when it was offered. It's the right thing to do. And he hates how Kaoru seems to feel guilty about this all.

So Kojirou puts his fork down and gets up from his seat to walk around the small table again to Kaoru. He cups his cheeks in both of his hands so he could tilt his head up.]

I'll come with you no matter what, Kaoru. We'll handle whatever comes next.

[ His stomach drops a bit when Kojiro stands up, but then it's to come closer and touch him and he melts into the warmth of his hands. He's pliant in Kojiro's grasp, looking up at him and meeting his eyes. When he says that, confirming what Kaoru had selfishly hoped, his heart nearly bursts.

Lifting his hands to cover Kojiro's, he holds them in place and turns to kiss one of his palms. Suddenly, he can't stand how much space there is between them while sitting at the table, so he keeps holding on to Kojiro while he stands up from his chair. ] Can we eat on the couch? I want to be closer to you.

[The way Kaoru looks at him, and that connection between them... Kojirou knows it may be risky to put everything on that, but he does. They will get through this together. Kaoru won't be alone anymore and they both have a life they want by each other's side.

Kojirou also never wanted to make love to Kaoru more than in this moment. But he can wait for the right moment, when he isn't hurt.]

Yeah, sure.

[Kojirou answers in a soft smile as Kaoru stands up, then leans in to kiss him. Because he gets it. He doesn't want to let Kaoru go either. So he takes Kaoru's hand his plate to lead them to the couch.]

[ Something about Kojiro's expression, the warmth in his eyes, makes Kaoru feel so seen. Usually, it would be unsettling for someone to know him so well, but Kojiro never uses that knowledge against him. There's something else in his face, too, something that makes Kaoru wonder if he wants to spend the night as close as their bodies allow, to fill Kojiro's bed with all of the pent-up love and desire that they've carried these past weeks.

But food first. It's Kojiro's love language, and Kaoru hasn't eaten all day, so dinner is a priority. He brings his plate to the couch and waits for Kojiro to settle before sitting down practically in his lap, legs flung over Kojiro's and shoulder resting against his. ] This is good, by the way. What's it called?

[As they settle Kojirou has to hold up his plate to save it from Kaoru's legs. He huffs an amused 'watch it' as he leans back, but otherwise he is not complaining. Kaoru's weight on him is calming in many ways after all.]

It's my spin on the olive pasta. Wanted to see how it'd taste with some roasted lemons.

[He explains as he looks at his share a bit critically.]

Glad you like it, but I think it still needs something to ease the sourness of the olives.

[ Kaoru simply hums around a forkful, already half down with the meal. With all the twisting of his stomach, he hadn't realized how empty it was. When Kojiro is distracted with his answer, Kaoru not-so-sneakily takes another piece of garlic bread from his plate and bites into it. ] Mm, cheese?

[ He's very far from a culinary genius, but he thinks cheese would go well with the dish. Regardless, it's gone soon with nothing but his empty plate and the scent of garlic on his lips to indicate it had been there to begin with. ]

Hey!

[Kojirou gasps as the bread disappears from his plate. He's offended more about the theft than anything else; he would have given it to Kaoru if he asked anyway. His glare says it all, too.]

Cheese is good, but I was actually thinking of breadcrumbs. Cheese and breadcrumbs.

[He finishes up after Kaoru, motioning toward his empty plate with his fork.]

Was it enough? I don't want you going hungry, so if you want more I could make some.

[ Laughing at how offended Kojiro gets about the food, Kaoru leans in close to kiss the frown off of his face. With a full stomach and a warm heart, it's easy to slip back into the good mood of before where he isn't haunted by the past or scared of the future. Right now, all he needs is Kojiro's body heat and the weight of his hand where it rests on his thigh.

Maybe that's not all he needs, but it's a start. ]

It was enough, thank you. [ He kisses him again, setting his plate aside so he can wrap both arms around Kojiro's neck and wiggle further into his lap. ] I want something else.

[Kaoru laughing and being well-fed is truly a dream come true for Kojirou. One he would want to see over and over again. He kisses him back, smiling into it as he tastes Kaoru and some of that garlic on those lips.

When Kaoru moves closer again, Kojirou is fast to put his empty plate down too in fear of dropping it. And in some attempt to free his hands too to maybe stop Kaoru if he gets too close. It's not like Kojirou doesn't want him close, oh far from it, though.]

What- what do you want?

[Kojirou asks feeling dumb as he freezes. Because what Kaoru said sounded too much like he wants to, well, have sex. But- he's hurt, no? Ainosuke, he must have... and he may need time to get better. So it must have been Kojirou's dirty mind that supplied him with such helpful thoughts.]

What do you want?

[Kojirou asks again a bit more confident this time, and settles his hands on Kaoru's waist, looking down between them. So maybe the other won't notice the hint of a blush on his cheeks.]

[ It's reassuring, actually, that Kojiro is flustered about Kaoru's advances. The reactions give him the sense that he understands the implications of Kaoru's actions, the proposition in his words. At the same time, it makes his stomach flutter with nerves at the thought that maybe he isn't ready for this, that he's awkward because he wants to wait. It's helpful, then, that he repeats the question with a strong and more confident tone, lacking any stutter to it. The hands are another reassurance, too, holding him in place and making his skin burn with arousal. Kojiro has such big hands, callused from skating and dexterous from cooking. It would be a lie to say that Kaoru hasn't thought about those same hands skating over his bare skin.

Sighing softly as he leans closer, he presses a kiss to the side of Kojiro's jaw. Of the two of them, he's the one with experience in this—sex between men—and it fills him with a sense of responsibility. It had been enjoyable with Ainosuke at some point, and he wants this to be better like he needs to sell Kojiro on having sex with him. Or maybe, he just wants to overwrite the memories of his past. ]

I want you to fuck me. [ He mouths the words against Kojiro's neck, then hesitates a moment. It's an accurate statement, but he can't help thinking that he needs to repeat it again with a different sentiment behind it. ] I want you to make... make love to me.

[Kojirou knew what Kaoru wanted, and yet when he says it a shiver runs through his body. His hands slide tighter around Kaoru, maybe in an attempt to ground himself, yet it just brings the other's body closer to his.

He actually hasn't done it with a man yet. He's been with a few girls, so he knows what sex is like, but this is different. This is Kaoru. It's going to be their first time.]

I want to.

[Kojirou whispers into Kaoru's back, his cheeks burning and his pants getting tighter. He's been dreaming about this a lot. Even more after they got together. In his dreams, he had Kaoru so many times, and yet right now when the real thing offers he hesitates. Though not because of himself. He doesn't want Kaoru do this before he feels ready, before all that Ainosuke did to him got better. If it ever would.]

But are you sure?

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