shodo | open post

[As they settle Kojirou has to hold up his plate to save it from Kaoru's legs. He huffs an amused 'watch it' as he leans back, but otherwise he is not complaining. Kaoru's weight on him is calming in many ways after all.]

It's my spin on the olive pasta. Wanted to see how it'd taste with some roasted lemons.

[He explains as he looks at his share a bit critically.]

Glad you like it, but I think it still needs something to ease the sourness of the olives.

[ Kaoru simply hums around a forkful, already half down with the meal. With all the twisting of his stomach, he hadn't realized how empty it was. When Kojiro is distracted with his answer, Kaoru not-so-sneakily takes another piece of garlic bread from his plate and bites into it. ] Mm, cheese?

[ He's very far from a culinary genius, but he thinks cheese would go well with the dish. Regardless, it's gone soon with nothing but his empty plate and the scent of garlic on his lips to indicate it had been there to begin with. ]

Hey!

[Kojirou gasps as the bread disappears from his plate. He's offended more about the theft than anything else; he would have given it to Kaoru if he asked anyway. His glare says it all, too.]

Cheese is good, but I was actually thinking of breadcrumbs. Cheese and breadcrumbs.

[He finishes up after Kaoru, motioning toward his empty plate with his fork.]

Was it enough? I don't want you going hungry, so if you want more I could make some.

[ Laughing at how offended Kojiro gets about the food, Kaoru leans in close to kiss the frown off of his face. With a full stomach and a warm heart, it's easy to slip back into the good mood of before where he isn't haunted by the past or scared of the future. Right now, all he needs is Kojiro's body heat and the weight of his hand where it rests on his thigh.

Maybe that's not all he needs, but it's a start. ]

It was enough, thank you. [ He kisses him again, setting his plate aside so he can wrap both arms around Kojiro's neck and wiggle further into his lap. ] I want something else.

[Kaoru laughing and being well-fed is truly a dream come true for Kojirou. One he would want to see over and over again. He kisses him back, smiling into it as he tastes Kaoru and some of that garlic on those lips.

When Kaoru moves closer again, Kojirou is fast to put his empty plate down too in fear of dropping it. And in some attempt to free his hands too to maybe stop Kaoru if he gets too close. It's not like Kojirou doesn't want him close, oh far from it, though.]

What- what do you want?

[Kojirou asks feeling dumb as he freezes. Because what Kaoru said sounded too much like he wants to, well, have sex. But- he's hurt, no? Ainosuke, he must have... and he may need time to get better. So it must have been Kojirou's dirty mind that supplied him with such helpful thoughts.]

What do you want?

[Kojirou asks again a bit more confident this time, and settles his hands on Kaoru's waist, looking down between them. So maybe the other won't notice the hint of a blush on his cheeks.]

[ It's reassuring, actually, that Kojiro is flustered about Kaoru's advances. The reactions give him the sense that he understands the implications of Kaoru's actions, the proposition in his words. At the same time, it makes his stomach flutter with nerves at the thought that maybe he isn't ready for this, that he's awkward because he wants to wait. It's helpful, then, that he repeats the question with a strong and more confident tone, lacking any stutter to it. The hands are another reassurance, too, holding him in place and making his skin burn with arousal. Kojiro has such big hands, callused from skating and dexterous from cooking. It would be a lie to say that Kaoru hasn't thought about those same hands skating over his bare skin.

Sighing softly as he leans closer, he presses a kiss to the side of Kojiro's jaw. Of the two of them, he's the one with experience in this—sex between men—and it fills him with a sense of responsibility. It had been enjoyable with Ainosuke at some point, and he wants this to be better like he needs to sell Kojiro on having sex with him. Or maybe, he just wants to overwrite the memories of his past. ]

I want you to fuck me. [ He mouths the words against Kojiro's neck, then hesitates a moment. It's an accurate statement, but he can't help thinking that he needs to repeat it again with a different sentiment behind it. ] I want you to make... make love to me.

[Kojirou knew what Kaoru wanted, and yet when he says it a shiver runs through his body. His hands slide tighter around Kaoru, maybe in an attempt to ground himself, yet it just brings the other's body closer to his.

He actually hasn't done it with a man yet. He's been with a few girls, so he knows what sex is like, but this is different. This is Kaoru. It's going to be their first time.]

I want to.

[Kojirou whispers into Kaoru's back, his cheeks burning and his pants getting tighter. He's been dreaming about this a lot. Even more after they got together. In his dreams, he had Kaoru so many times, and yet right now when the real thing offers he hesitates. Though not because of himself. He doesn't want Kaoru do this before he feels ready, before all that Ainosuke did to him got better. If it ever would.]

But are you sure?

[ Kaoru feels like I may burst with anticipation, but Kojiro doesn't leave him waiting for too long no matter how much of an eternity it feels like. Even while waiting for a verbal reply, his body opening to Kaoru and pulling him closer is a good sign. Then he whispers those words, and a pleasant shiver runs down Kaoru's spine. It's so different from Ainosuke—and that's the last time he's going to let any thought of him enter the proverbial bedroom.

Shifting closer, he moves until his legs bracket Kojiro's, kneeling on either side of his hips and sitting comfortably on his thighs. He wants to get closer, but Kojiro hesitates, and he knows that he needs to hear him out. If he wants to, but can't for some reason, that's got to be something Kaoru deals with and accepts. ]

Me? Of course. [ He reaches up to cup his hand over Kojiro's jaw and brush his thumb along his bottom lip. They've kissed so often and shared the same bed, but this is going to be an entirely different kind of intimacy to share. ] I've wanted to for a while, but I feel ready now.

[Every time Kaoru moves Kojirou's willpower weakens. He smells so good, he is wearing his clothes and he is so close. Closer than ever. Kojirou feels his body warming up before that touch on his lips.

He looks up at Kaoru, listening to his answer. And some over-protective voice tells him not to let Kaoru do this, that he may not be ready. But Kojirou remembers his laugh tonight, his smile, and how he ate all the food he offered him. Kaoru resolved it all in himself, even if Kojirou has his doubts.

Though he wonders if it's not Kaoru he is worried about, but himself. That he is still afraid to venture into all this. Kojirou unintentionally glares at that thought, because he can't be that big of a coward. He turns his head into Kaoru's touch kissing at that thumb, then parting his lips to lick it too. He is ready.]

You've gotta help me make it good for you.

[Kojirou warns in a low voice, pulling Kaoru even closer by his hips. So he can feel how turned on he already is.]

I want to make love to you over and over. Until it's the only thing you can think of.

[ Watching with rapt attention as Kojiro kisses and then licks his thumb, Kaoru presses it down harder to drag at Kojiro's lip and feel the plushness of it. He wants to feel those lips move across his body and leave marks on his skin to help him remember that they belong to each other. ]

Baby, anything is going to feel good as long as it's you.

[ He smiles at the sentiment, though, warm from more than Kojiro's body heat. With bare legs he should be shivering, but instead he's just melting closer and closer until he can steal a soft kiss. He groans as he's manhandled closer, and even though they're relatively close in size, he can never forget how strong Kojiro is. Yet he's so gentle with that strength, and Kaoru can't help thinking that it's the true mark of power to not use it against everyone.

Whimpering softly, he nods and rocks his hips forward so Kojiro can feel his answering arousal. He wants to be lost in him, wrapped up tight and shielded from thinking about anything else. They already have such a strong connection, and he selfishly wishes to deepen it with sex. ] Then take me to bed, Kojiro.

That's my line...

[Kojirou whispers as Kaoru kisses him. But it's true. Anything Kaoru does is terribly erotic. And not in the 'naked ladies' way. Kojirou knows he could get it up only because the sky is blue, but there is something about Kaoru. Something in the way his thumb presses on his lips, in the way Kojirou can feel his hardness against him... In the way he wants Kojirou to hold him.

Kojirou doesn't just want to fuck Kaoru. He wants to take him. Make him his. And take him away from anything and anyone who would hurt him. His desire is way too intense, but there is no way he can stop now.]

Hold on, then.

[He whispers and slides his hands under Kaoru's thighs to lift him and stand from the couch. The movement makes him away just how hard he is, how stiff his limbs are, and how close Kaoru actually is. And they just started...

Kojirou carries him to his bedroom, kissing at his neck as if he can't go without his taste in his mouth not even for those few seconds. He lays Kaoru down all too gently, just to demand his lips for himself again in a kiss.]

[ Even though the lift isn't a surprise, his stomach still flips at how easily Kojiro manages it. Kaoru is quick to wrap his legs around his waist and cling to him, biting back a moan when it presses their hips even closer together. Oh, he's definitely going to get Kojiro to pin him to a wall like this another night, but he wants this first time to be simple and special. He has no idea whether Kojiro had any inkling of how two men have sex, so not adding gravity to an already potentially difficult situation is probably for the best.

Tilting his head to the side, he invites more of the kisses along his neck and throat. The only way he can tell he's being set down is the slight swoop of his stomach and the way his hair falls from around his shoulders and pools on the bed beneath him. Kojiro is so gentle, and he can't help wondering what he made be like when all of that is stripped away. Later, he reminds himself, reaching up to sink his fingers in Kojiro's hair and scrub his nails through the shorter undercut. Now, he's focused on parting his lips to his boyfriend's searching kisses. ]

[Kojirou finds his way between Kaoru's legs again and presses his hips against his to ease some of his tension. It feels different from a girl; Kaoru is harder, bigger, warmer... But his thighs are smooth and sweet under Kojirou's palms as he strokes them.

Without even breaking the kiss, he moves to slide a hand under the hoodie Kaoru is wearing. His breath comes sharp as he feels the heated skin under his fingertip. But something else makes him hesitate too. What if Kaoru still has bruises from the time he and Ainosuke...?

Kojirou leans his forehead against Kaoru's shoulder as he is trying to calm down. Because only the thought of finding Kaoru's body marked makes him irritated. Well, if there are any bruises or marks, then he has to cover them up with his, right?]

I have to see...

[It occupies his mind a bit more than the thoughts about the technicality of how exactly he is going to make love to Kaoru. He has a concept, taken from porn videos and the internet, but the real deal is still a bit different.]

Show me.

[Kojirou whispers a little heated as he reaches to take off Kaoru's hoodie.]

[ Kaoru's back arches up into the tentative slide of Kojiro's hand. He takes it for nervousness, figuring that he's unsure of how this is going to go. With a jolt, Kaoru wonders how he's going to survive if Kojiro decides that he doesn't like having sex with him. The thought turns his stomach because while he can accept the possibility of having a purely romantic relationship, he doesn't think it would be fair to Kojiro if he couldn't enjoy a sexual one as well.

When Kojiro pauses, Kaoru shrinks in on himself slightly. He moves a hand up to sink into the back of Kojiro's hair and keep him close, both trying to comfort him and stall the possibility that he's about to pull away. Then he speaks, and Kaoru frowns in confusion. Show him? His skin prickles with the command, both because he wants so badly to been seen by Kojiro, but also because he can sense something else going on. ]

Kojiro— [ He arches his back to let the hoodie be pushed up around his chest, then leans up so it can be pulled the rest of the way off. Left in nothing but Kojiro's boxers, oversized on him to the point that they've started slipping low on his hips, Kaoru looks up in concern and curiosity. His body has looked worse—had the last time Kojiro saw him naked when they showered together a week ago. Most of those marks have faded, but there are new bruises from his fight with Ainosuke earlier today. ]

[As Kaoru calls his name, Kojirou feels he is getting grounded from something all too dark. Kaoru's voice reaches inside him and it feels like a warm strength wrapping around his heart to calm it down, to tell Kojirou that he is here and everything is fine.

In the next moment, he does notice how fucking beautiful Kaoru is and mutters a low '...fuck' in awe. Kaoru is lean, but not like a girl. He is strong and he is warm and real, and the way those boxers are too big for him is the most erotic sight Kojirou has ever seen. But Kaoru is battered from a battle he probably had to fight alone. The last fight he had to do alone, Kojirou decides as he assesses all the bruises he sees. Some he recognizes from that other night too.

Kaoru doesn't want him to get angry, and Kojirou doesn't want to either. Anger is not productive and it has its time and place. This is not the time. So he leans down to kiss a bruise on Kaoru's chest. Then he goes to the next one he sees, just kissing them, gently not to hurt them.

His hand meanwhile slide under those boxers, stroking over Kaoru's ass. Only then Kojirou stops again. He tilts his head up from where he was about to suck a mark and licks his lips as he looks at the other, a nervous look on his face.]

You're gonna help me prepare, right?

[ Watching Kojiro process whatever is going on inside his mind is admittedly nerve-racking for Kaoru. He doesn't know what kind of demons he may be battling, whether Kaoru should feel responsible or not. If it's about being a man, he'll feel guilty; if it's about Ainosuke, he'll feel disgusting; if it's about something else, he'll do his best to understand. The most important part is that Kojiro doesn't pull away, and in fact he soon leans in to kiss Kaoru and—oh. His stomach twists as he thinks he understands what Kojiro is worrying so much about, the softness of his touch telling him things that neither of them have put into words. Kojiro cares about Kaoru, cares about the fact that he was hurt and violated, and Kaoru knows without being told that Kojiro doesn't want to do the same to him as Ainosuke had.

At least it's not enough to stop him, and Kaoru tugs at his hair when those large hands find his ass. Biting back a whimper when he stops, Kaoru looks down into that nervous expression but soft, soft eyes. Nodding, his hands turn more gentle as he strokes the hair back from Kojiro's face. ]

Yeah... Yeah, of course. I can do it and show you, or I can tell you how.

[Kojirou licks his lips again, considering his options. Kaoru's hand in his hair is almost too distracting to think of anything for a while, though. He wonders how it would feel when he tugs his hair in pleasure, or when he guides his head to all the good spots.]

Guide me then.

[Kojirou knows it may be better if Kaoru shows how to do it and does it himself. But Kojirou feels like he can't go on without touching him. He wants to make him feel good and there is a thrill about following Kaoru's instructions.]

I think I have all the stuff we're gonna need.

[With that, he leans back and kisses at Kaoru's body again, as if telling it to sit tight, he will be back. Then Kojirou moves toward the nightstand and opens the drawer to produce a bottle of half-full lube and some condoms.]

Or uh, I think these are the only stuff we're gonna need?

[ Though Kaoru had been the one to give Kojiro options, he's relieved with the one he'd picked. For their first time together, he wants to be held and touched and kept close, and while he wouldn't mind showing off for his boyfriend, he thinks that doing so from a distance would kill him tonight. Some of the tension that had crept into his body melts away, and he smiles up while nodding that yes, of course, he'll be right there to help Kojiro along. It feels like they're really a couple that's in this together which is exactly what Kaoru needs right now.

Humming at the kiss, he tries not to whine when he's left momentarily. He cranes his head back to look at what Kojiro is holding and tries not to think about why he has condoms—he knows Kojiro isn't a virgin, and he doesn't have a right to be jealous of his past exploits. Still, he blushes and shifts his gaze back to Kojiro's face and then away. ]

We don't need condoms unless you want one.

I- no, I'm gonna be pretty okay without them.

[All too eager, the condoms go back to the drawer. And Kojirou can't help to cup Kaoru's cheek as he goes back between his legs, and pulls him into a kiss. Because that blush looked so cute on him, it was just waiting to be kissed.

He puts the bottle by them on the bed, just to occupy his hands with taking off the last garment Kaoru is wearing. And realizing that the naked sight of the other is terribly sexy. It's everything he wanted, everything he didn't dare to imagine, but still did on hidden hours under the shower.

Kojirou lets out a trembling breath as he strokes Kaoru's thighs, before reaching for his hardness. More out of curiosity of how it feels against his fingertips, in his hand, and maybe when he is braver, in his mouth.]

God, you look... so fucking sexy, Kaoru.

[Kojirou mutters, leaning in to place a kiss on Kaoru's hips. His other hand going to have a feel of his ass, slipping between his cheeks just to feel how they would continue this. A bit of a nervous feeling stirs in his stomach, but it makes him even harder for some reason.]

[ Kaoru has to laugh at that because yeah, any guy would be an idiot to choose a condom when offered to go without. It strikes him that this will probably be the first time Kojiro has sex without one, and it pleases Kaoru to know it's another first for him to take. He can't help being greedy for it, which is unfair since he's far from a virgin himself, but the thought that he can give something Kojiro's never had or see something no one else has is thrilling.

The kiss is grounding even as he spreads his legs to welcome Kojiro closer, and even if their hips aren't touching yet, he swears he can feel the body heat against his skin. He moves willingly to help Kojiro take off the boxers and blushes under his gaze. It's not the first time Kojiro has seen him naked, but it had a wildly different context than the previous time. Add to that the fact that Kojiro is still fully clothed, and Kaoru can't help but feel a little shy.

Shivering beneath the wide warmth of Kojiro's hands, Kaoru moans when they go straight for his most sensitive and intimate of places. He has to fight the urge to close his thighs and instead focuses that urge into digging his heels into the bed. ]

H-hey, at least get naked first! I want to see you, too.

[Indeed, this will be the first time Kojirou is going to have sex and it adds to his excitement. It does feel like being a virgin again, even if Kojirou wouldn't actually call himself a playboy. Not yet.]

Oh shit, sorry. I was just so... fuck, yeah.

[Kojirou stutters, moving away to get rid of his shirt, sweatpants, and his boxers. But he actually hesitates there for a moment. It's not like he is shy, it's just... there is still that silly thing in the back of his mind that what if he is too small? Or, he heard stories about someone being too big! Or what if Kaoru won't like the feel of his dick?!

But as he looks over Kaoru, his horny brain wins against his insecurities and gets rid of his underwear too. He is already hard and heavy, moving back to Kaoru. Now they are both naked and close and Kojirou's body trembles under the experience. His mouth waters and he wants to lean down to kiss Kaoru, but he is actually afraid he would come right then and there. So he takes a few deep breaths and reaches for the lube.]

Fingers first... right?

[ Laughing softly, he kisses Kojiro before he moves too far away to reach. Kaoru sits up as well, wanting to see everything that Kojiro has to offer. In the shower on the night they'd confessed to each other, he'd done his best not to let his gaze linger anywhere—now, his eyes hungrily drink in every bit of skin that Kojiro offers up. When he finally pushes off his boxers, Kaoru freezes for a moment at the sight of him hard, his body throbbing with a fresh wave of arousal. ]

Fuck, you're so hot. [ He reaches out, hands moving like they're being drawn forward by a magnet, totally out of his control. Brushing his fingers along the underside, he rubs his palm over the tip and then loosely wraps his hand around him to stroke down to the base. ] You're fucking huge, holy shit.

[ His other hand reaches for the back of Kojiro's neck and pulls him into a kiss, hot and messy as he opens his mouth in a shaky moan. ] One finger to start, yeah.

[The way Kaoru looks at him is almost intimidating. There is something raw in his gaze that Kojirou had never seen in any of his partners before. And when he touches him, it's like an electric shock.]

Kaoru...

[Kojirou moans, as a warning or maybe out of pleasure. But the touch and the kiss and all that Kaoru does just makes his body flare up with a new wave of desire. Damn, he wants this boy so much and so hard it's almost a sin. He kisses back just as sloppy, and needy, and ready to go. He presses between Kaoru's legs for a moment, rubbing their cocks together and making the other lay down again.]

Alright, okay. I can do that.

[He tells it more to himself than to Kaoru at this point. So he takes the bottle into his trembling hand and plasters some lube over his fingers. He is nervous, but god he is hard and that gives him the strength to go on and reach between Kaoru's legs, padding at his entrance. It feels different than what he is used to, but he is soft and gentle as he circles it first then pushes in.]

[ The kiss is as reassuring as it is arousing because he can taste how badly Kojiro wants this. Any doubts he'd had are slowly melting out of Kaoru's mind and leaving behind an absence of thought in the face of what he knows is going to be overwhelming pleasure. Even if Kojiro doesn't know what he's doing, even if neither of them lasts very long, the fact that he's making love with Kojiro is the most blissful and satisfying kind of pleasure he can imagine.

Groaning as their hips press together, he ruts up once or twice before accepting the ways Kojiro tries to get him to lay back down. He spreads his legs wider apart, one hooked around Kojiro's hip to keep him close. The first press of cold lube makes him tense up, but he laughs breathlessly because fuck, it still feels so good. It warms as Kojiro tests the waters, and by the time he starts pressing inside, Kaoru has willed himself to relax enough to accept it. ]

Just like that. [ He smooths a hand up his own body, over a nipple, up into his hair so he can push it back from his face. ] God, even your fingers are big.

[Kojirou follows the movement of Kaoru's hand, and so wants to follow it with his tongue too. It's like he wants not only just touch but taste him all the time. Though his remark makes him blush from the back of his neck through his ears to his cheeks, he can feel it.

Kaoru is warm inside, warmer than Kojirou thought. His eyes are glued to his face as he slides his finger deeper. He can feel Kaoru strain, so he keeps it slow, but keeps at it. He wonders if there will be a time when he'll be able to make Kaoru come just on his fingers, how hot that would be. But Kojirou knows he needs a lot of practice for that. Practice he is willing to do, oh yes.]

Does it- does it feel good?

[Kojirou can't help to ask as he is slowly fucking Kaoru with one finger for now.]

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