shodo | open post

[ The playful energy between them is reinvigorating, so different from the way he was constantly on edge with Ainosuke. He nearly slaps himself at making yet another comparison—even a good one—because he shouldn't be thinking about that past at all. Instead, he grabs for the bread and puts some on his plate before Kojiro can make good on his threat to eat it all himself.

Digging in to the meal, he stretches his legs out enough to bump ankles with Kojiro. ] So, how do you think your family will react to you traveling abroad?

[Kaoru grabbing some of the bread makes Kojirou smile again. He leaves them on the plate for now, if Kaoru would want more he could have it all. Though he doesn't announce it loudly as he starts on his salad for now.

When he feels the other's legs against his, he nudges him playfully.]

My family, huh?

[He asks softly, feeling that bittersweet feeling in his gut. Right, what would they say? Well, his father would tell him he barely speaks any languages so it will be a struggle, but then his step-mom would surely tell him he can still speak the language of love... Kojirou chuckles to himself as he imagines that conversation.]

They won't like it. I'm gonna miss them too. But if I tell them it's for love I'm sure they'll understand.

[His question is careful as he asks.]

What about yours?

[ The way that Kojiro softens at the mention of his family makes Kaoru wonder if he shouldn't have brought it up. They have very different relationships with their families, and just because Kaoru rebels against the strict traditions of his own family doesn't mean he should drag Kojiro into with him. It's the one reason he's nervous about leaving together—it's fine to mess up his own life, but he'd never live down the guilt of ruining Kojiro's future, too.

Humming into his pasta as he takes a bite, Kaoru slumps a little further down in his chair. Then Kojiro has to go and say something sweet about love and make Kaoru blush all over. ] Maybe we shouldn't leave, I don't want to take you from them.

[ He stuffs a piece of bread into his mouth to avoid having to answer. His family won't approve and most likely will actively try to stop him, so he had sort of planned to leave first and tell them about it after. Kojiro probably won't approve of that plan, though. ] They'll hate it, talk about being a disappointment, and try to stop me.

[Kojirou huffs as he is nudging a piece of olive with his fork.]

It's not like we leave forever, Kaoru.

[He is indeed nervous about this all. And that he will miss his family immensely. But there are some things that he is ready to sacrifice for someone he also loves. It's a bit of an overwhelming feeling, not entirely good, but it isn't bad either. Yet Kojirou can't really look at Kaoru.

However, he grows a little worried as Kaoru speaks. As someone who has a fairly good relationship with his family, it breaks his heart Kaoru doesn't seem to have the same. It must be lonely.]

But you're still gonna leave, right?

[ Kojiro says that with such conviction like he knows that they'll come back. The only problem with that is whether or not it remains true. Kaoru can imagine falling in love with another country and the freedom he has from everything tying him down in Japan. Would he want to leave that when Kojiro inevitably gets homesick? It makes his chest ache, stomach tightening a bit and making him set down his food. He really shouldn't have brought this up, not when he had been feeling so good moments before. Idiot. ]

It's cruel, but I'll only leave if you come with me. [ He looks up at him, his expression a mixture of guilt and hope. Hinging all of this on Kojiro is unfair to him, but he's the one with more to lose by leaving and so it should be his decision. ]

[The short silence makes Kojirou realize this really isn't a simple matter they got themselves into. It sounded so easy to leave, but now that they talk about it, he admits it may not be as simple as he imagined.

He looks at Kaoru then. If they won't leave, Ainosuke could find them again. He can find Kaoru again. Kojirou still remembers all those times he wished he would have done something. And those times he was sheltering Kaoru after he was hurt, feeling helpless and angry.

Now he did something; he told Kaoru of his feelings and told him he will help him. It's not cruel to ask for help when it was offered. It's the right thing to do. And he hates how Kaoru seems to feel guilty about this all.

So Kojirou puts his fork down and gets up from his seat to walk around the small table again to Kaoru. He cups his cheeks in both of his hands so he could tilt his head up.]

I'll come with you no matter what, Kaoru. We'll handle whatever comes next.

[ His stomach drops a bit when Kojiro stands up, but then it's to come closer and touch him and he melts into the warmth of his hands. He's pliant in Kojiro's grasp, looking up at him and meeting his eyes. When he says that, confirming what Kaoru had selfishly hoped, his heart nearly bursts.

Lifting his hands to cover Kojiro's, he holds them in place and turns to kiss one of his palms. Suddenly, he can't stand how much space there is between them while sitting at the table, so he keeps holding on to Kojiro while he stands up from his chair. ] Can we eat on the couch? I want to be closer to you.

[The way Kaoru looks at him, and that connection between them... Kojirou knows it may be risky to put everything on that, but he does. They will get through this together. Kaoru won't be alone anymore and they both have a life they want by each other's side.

Kojirou also never wanted to make love to Kaoru more than in this moment. But he can wait for the right moment, when he isn't hurt.]

Yeah, sure.

[Kojirou answers in a soft smile as Kaoru stands up, then leans in to kiss him. Because he gets it. He doesn't want to let Kaoru go either. So he takes Kaoru's hand his plate to lead them to the couch.]

[ Something about Kojiro's expression, the warmth in his eyes, makes Kaoru feel so seen. Usually, it would be unsettling for someone to know him so well, but Kojiro never uses that knowledge against him. There's something else in his face, too, something that makes Kaoru wonder if he wants to spend the night as close as their bodies allow, to fill Kojiro's bed with all of the pent-up love and desire that they've carried these past weeks.

But food first. It's Kojiro's love language, and Kaoru hasn't eaten all day, so dinner is a priority. He brings his plate to the couch and waits for Kojiro to settle before sitting down practically in his lap, legs flung over Kojiro's and shoulder resting against his. ] This is good, by the way. What's it called?

[As they settle Kojirou has to hold up his plate to save it from Kaoru's legs. He huffs an amused 'watch it' as he leans back, but otherwise he is not complaining. Kaoru's weight on him is calming in many ways after all.]

It's my spin on the olive pasta. Wanted to see how it'd taste with some roasted lemons.

[He explains as he looks at his share a bit critically.]

Glad you like it, but I think it still needs something to ease the sourness of the olives.

[ Kaoru simply hums around a forkful, already half down with the meal. With all the twisting of his stomach, he hadn't realized how empty it was. When Kojiro is distracted with his answer, Kaoru not-so-sneakily takes another piece of garlic bread from his plate and bites into it. ] Mm, cheese?

[ He's very far from a culinary genius, but he thinks cheese would go well with the dish. Regardless, it's gone soon with nothing but his empty plate and the scent of garlic on his lips to indicate it had been there to begin with. ]

Hey!

[Kojirou gasps as the bread disappears from his plate. He's offended more about the theft than anything else; he would have given it to Kaoru if he asked anyway. His glare says it all, too.]

Cheese is good, but I was actually thinking of breadcrumbs. Cheese and breadcrumbs.

[He finishes up after Kaoru, motioning toward his empty plate with his fork.]

Was it enough? I don't want you going hungry, so if you want more I could make some.

[ Laughing at how offended Kojiro gets about the food, Kaoru leans in close to kiss the frown off of his face. With a full stomach and a warm heart, it's easy to slip back into the good mood of before where he isn't haunted by the past or scared of the future. Right now, all he needs is Kojiro's body heat and the weight of his hand where it rests on his thigh.

Maybe that's not all he needs, but it's a start. ]

It was enough, thank you. [ He kisses him again, setting his plate aside so he can wrap both arms around Kojiro's neck and wiggle further into his lap. ] I want something else.

[Kaoru laughing and being well-fed is truly a dream come true for Kojirou. One he would want to see over and over again. He kisses him back, smiling into it as he tastes Kaoru and some of that garlic on those lips.

When Kaoru moves closer again, Kojirou is fast to put his empty plate down too in fear of dropping it. And in some attempt to free his hands too to maybe stop Kaoru if he gets too close. It's not like Kojirou doesn't want him close, oh far from it, though.]

What- what do you want?

[Kojirou asks feeling dumb as he freezes. Because what Kaoru said sounded too much like he wants to, well, have sex. But- he's hurt, no? Ainosuke, he must have... and he may need time to get better. So it must have been Kojirou's dirty mind that supplied him with such helpful thoughts.]

What do you want?

[Kojirou asks again a bit more confident this time, and settles his hands on Kaoru's waist, looking down between them. So maybe the other won't notice the hint of a blush on his cheeks.]

[ It's reassuring, actually, that Kojiro is flustered about Kaoru's advances. The reactions give him the sense that he understands the implications of Kaoru's actions, the proposition in his words. At the same time, it makes his stomach flutter with nerves at the thought that maybe he isn't ready for this, that he's awkward because he wants to wait. It's helpful, then, that he repeats the question with a strong and more confident tone, lacking any stutter to it. The hands are another reassurance, too, holding him in place and making his skin burn with arousal. Kojiro has such big hands, callused from skating and dexterous from cooking. It would be a lie to say that Kaoru hasn't thought about those same hands skating over his bare skin.

Sighing softly as he leans closer, he presses a kiss to the side of Kojiro's jaw. Of the two of them, he's the one with experience in this—sex between men—and it fills him with a sense of responsibility. It had been enjoyable with Ainosuke at some point, and he wants this to be better like he needs to sell Kojiro on having sex with him. Or maybe, he just wants to overwrite the memories of his past. ]

I want you to fuck me. [ He mouths the words against Kojiro's neck, then hesitates a moment. It's an accurate statement, but he can't help thinking that he needs to repeat it again with a different sentiment behind it. ] I want you to make... make love to me.

[Kojirou knew what Kaoru wanted, and yet when he says it a shiver runs through his body. His hands slide tighter around Kaoru, maybe in an attempt to ground himself, yet it just brings the other's body closer to his.

He actually hasn't done it with a man yet. He's been with a few girls, so he knows what sex is like, but this is different. This is Kaoru. It's going to be their first time.]

I want to.

[Kojirou whispers into Kaoru's back, his cheeks burning and his pants getting tighter. He's been dreaming about this a lot. Even more after they got together. In his dreams, he had Kaoru so many times, and yet right now when the real thing offers he hesitates. Though not because of himself. He doesn't want Kaoru do this before he feels ready, before all that Ainosuke did to him got better. If it ever would.]

But are you sure?

[ Kaoru feels like I may burst with anticipation, but Kojiro doesn't leave him waiting for too long no matter how much of an eternity it feels like. Even while waiting for a verbal reply, his body opening to Kaoru and pulling him closer is a good sign. Then he whispers those words, and a pleasant shiver runs down Kaoru's spine. It's so different from Ainosuke—and that's the last time he's going to let any thought of him enter the proverbial bedroom.

Shifting closer, he moves until his legs bracket Kojiro's, kneeling on either side of his hips and sitting comfortably on his thighs. He wants to get closer, but Kojiro hesitates, and he knows that he needs to hear him out. If he wants to, but can't for some reason, that's got to be something Kaoru deals with and accepts. ]

Me? Of course. [ He reaches up to cup his hand over Kojiro's jaw and brush his thumb along his bottom lip. They've kissed so often and shared the same bed, but this is going to be an entirely different kind of intimacy to share. ] I've wanted to for a while, but I feel ready now.

[Every time Kaoru moves Kojirou's willpower weakens. He smells so good, he is wearing his clothes and he is so close. Closer than ever. Kojirou feels his body warming up before that touch on his lips.

He looks up at Kaoru, listening to his answer. And some over-protective voice tells him not to let Kaoru do this, that he may not be ready. But Kojirou remembers his laugh tonight, his smile, and how he ate all the food he offered him. Kaoru resolved it all in himself, even if Kojirou has his doubts.

Though he wonders if it's not Kaoru he is worried about, but himself. That he is still afraid to venture into all this. Kojirou unintentionally glares at that thought, because he can't be that big of a coward. He turns his head into Kaoru's touch kissing at that thumb, then parting his lips to lick it too. He is ready.]

You've gotta help me make it good for you.

[Kojirou warns in a low voice, pulling Kaoru even closer by his hips. So he can feel how turned on he already is.]

I want to make love to you over and over. Until it's the only thing you can think of.

[ Watching with rapt attention as Kojiro kisses and then licks his thumb, Kaoru presses it down harder to drag at Kojiro's lip and feel the plushness of it. He wants to feel those lips move across his body and leave marks on his skin to help him remember that they belong to each other. ]

Baby, anything is going to feel good as long as it's you.

[ He smiles at the sentiment, though, warm from more than Kojiro's body heat. With bare legs he should be shivering, but instead he's just melting closer and closer until he can steal a soft kiss. He groans as he's manhandled closer, and even though they're relatively close in size, he can never forget how strong Kojiro is. Yet he's so gentle with that strength, and Kaoru can't help thinking that it's the true mark of power to not use it against everyone.

Whimpering softly, he nods and rocks his hips forward so Kojiro can feel his answering arousal. He wants to be lost in him, wrapped up tight and shielded from thinking about anything else. They already have such a strong connection, and he selfishly wishes to deepen it with sex. ] Then take me to bed, Kojiro.

That's my line...

[Kojirou whispers as Kaoru kisses him. But it's true. Anything Kaoru does is terribly erotic. And not in the 'naked ladies' way. Kojirou knows he could get it up only because the sky is blue, but there is something about Kaoru. Something in the way his thumb presses on his lips, in the way Kojirou can feel his hardness against him... In the way he wants Kojirou to hold him.

Kojirou doesn't just want to fuck Kaoru. He wants to take him. Make him his. And take him away from anything and anyone who would hurt him. His desire is way too intense, but there is no way he can stop now.]

Hold on, then.

[He whispers and slides his hands under Kaoru's thighs to lift him and stand from the couch. The movement makes him away just how hard he is, how stiff his limbs are, and how close Kaoru actually is. And they just started...

Kojirou carries him to his bedroom, kissing at his neck as if he can't go without his taste in his mouth not even for those few seconds. He lays Kaoru down all too gently, just to demand his lips for himself again in a kiss.]

[ Even though the lift isn't a surprise, his stomach still flips at how easily Kojiro manages it. Kaoru is quick to wrap his legs around his waist and cling to him, biting back a moan when it presses their hips even closer together. Oh, he's definitely going to get Kojiro to pin him to a wall like this another night, but he wants this first time to be simple and special. He has no idea whether Kojiro had any inkling of how two men have sex, so not adding gravity to an already potentially difficult situation is probably for the best.

Tilting his head to the side, he invites more of the kisses along his neck and throat. The only way he can tell he's being set down is the slight swoop of his stomach and the way his hair falls from around his shoulders and pools on the bed beneath him. Kojiro is so gentle, and he can't help wondering what he made be like when all of that is stripped away. Later, he reminds himself, reaching up to sink his fingers in Kojiro's hair and scrub his nails through the shorter undercut. Now, he's focused on parting his lips to his boyfriend's searching kisses. ]

[Kojirou finds his way between Kaoru's legs again and presses his hips against his to ease some of his tension. It feels different from a girl; Kaoru is harder, bigger, warmer... But his thighs are smooth and sweet under Kojirou's palms as he strokes them.

Without even breaking the kiss, he moves to slide a hand under the hoodie Kaoru is wearing. His breath comes sharp as he feels the heated skin under his fingertip. But something else makes him hesitate too. What if Kaoru still has bruises from the time he and Ainosuke...?

Kojirou leans his forehead against Kaoru's shoulder as he is trying to calm down. Because only the thought of finding Kaoru's body marked makes him irritated. Well, if there are any bruises or marks, then he has to cover them up with his, right?]

I have to see...

[It occupies his mind a bit more than the thoughts about the technicality of how exactly he is going to make love to Kaoru. He has a concept, taken from porn videos and the internet, but the real deal is still a bit different.]

Show me.

[Kojirou whispers a little heated as he reaches to take off Kaoru's hoodie.]

[ Kaoru's back arches up into the tentative slide of Kojiro's hand. He takes it for nervousness, figuring that he's unsure of how this is going to go. With a jolt, Kaoru wonders how he's going to survive if Kojiro decides that he doesn't like having sex with him. The thought turns his stomach because while he can accept the possibility of having a purely romantic relationship, he doesn't think it would be fair to Kojiro if he couldn't enjoy a sexual one as well.

When Kojiro pauses, Kaoru shrinks in on himself slightly. He moves a hand up to sink into the back of Kojiro's hair and keep him close, both trying to comfort him and stall the possibility that he's about to pull away. Then he speaks, and Kaoru frowns in confusion. Show him? His skin prickles with the command, both because he wants so badly to been seen by Kojiro, but also because he can sense something else going on. ]

Kojiro— [ He arches his back to let the hoodie be pushed up around his chest, then leans up so it can be pulled the rest of the way off. Left in nothing but Kojiro's boxers, oversized on him to the point that they've started slipping low on his hips, Kaoru looks up in concern and curiosity. His body has looked worse—had the last time Kojiro saw him naked when they showered together a week ago. Most of those marks have faded, but there are new bruises from his fight with Ainosuke earlier today. ]

[As Kaoru calls his name, Kojirou feels he is getting grounded from something all too dark. Kaoru's voice reaches inside him and it feels like a warm strength wrapping around his heart to calm it down, to tell Kojirou that he is here and everything is fine.

In the next moment, he does notice how fucking beautiful Kaoru is and mutters a low '...fuck' in awe. Kaoru is lean, but not like a girl. He is strong and he is warm and real, and the way those boxers are too big for him is the most erotic sight Kojirou has ever seen. But Kaoru is battered from a battle he probably had to fight alone. The last fight he had to do alone, Kojirou decides as he assesses all the bruises he sees. Some he recognizes from that other night too.

Kaoru doesn't want him to get angry, and Kojirou doesn't want to either. Anger is not productive and it has its time and place. This is not the time. So he leans down to kiss a bruise on Kaoru's chest. Then he goes to the next one he sees, just kissing them, gently not to hurt them.

His hand meanwhile slide under those boxers, stroking over Kaoru's ass. Only then Kojirou stops again. He tilts his head up from where he was about to suck a mark and licks his lips as he looks at the other, a nervous look on his face.]

You're gonna help me prepare, right?

[ Watching Kojiro process whatever is going on inside his mind is admittedly nerve-racking for Kaoru. He doesn't know what kind of demons he may be battling, whether Kaoru should feel responsible or not. If it's about being a man, he'll feel guilty; if it's about Ainosuke, he'll feel disgusting; if it's about something else, he'll do his best to understand. The most important part is that Kojiro doesn't pull away, and in fact he soon leans in to kiss Kaoru and—oh. His stomach twists as he thinks he understands what Kojiro is worrying so much about, the softness of his touch telling him things that neither of them have put into words. Kojiro cares about Kaoru, cares about the fact that he was hurt and violated, and Kaoru knows without being told that Kojiro doesn't want to do the same to him as Ainosuke had.

At least it's not enough to stop him, and Kaoru tugs at his hair when those large hands find his ass. Biting back a whimper when he stops, Kaoru looks down into that nervous expression but soft, soft eyes. Nodding, his hands turn more gentle as he strokes the hair back from Kojiro's face. ]

Yeah... Yeah, of course. I can do it and show you, or I can tell you how.

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