[ Kaoru clicks his tongue in feigned annoyance even as he melts easily in Kojiro's arms. It hadn't felt like a quick decision for him, but he's also intimately familiar with his own mental process as well as how long he's been thinking of these things. To Kojiro, maybe Kaoru had never even given thought to being out together; to Kaoru, it's been on his mind almost as long as they've been dating. ]
I know you're not as familiar with the concept of quick thinking, but it is just one benefit of high intelligence. [ He tilts his head back against Kojiro's shoulder and turns to kiss beneath his jaw in a silent sign that he's ribbing him rather than intending to actually insult. The shift from their dynamic before still astounds him, because they still bicker, but now he can reassure Kojiro through physical signs that it's all teasing and Kaoru's own struggle with allowing himself to be vulnerable. ]
If you plan on letting me win, there's no point in claiming the forfeit. I'm not a thief, after all, so I won't be stealing the race.
[ Going silent for a moment, he covers Kojiro's hands with his own where they rest on his body with their large span and warm weight. Joking about this is fine and all, but he knows that they need to have a serious conversation about the potential consequences of being a little less secretive. ] I need you to be serious...
[ For once, there's no defensive edge to his tone. Kojiro doesn't have any room or any right to feel wounded here. He might have no idea what he's getting himself into, but Kaoru's already had to live through it. Carrying any anxious burden -- about what will happen, what could go wrong, whether Kojiro can handle this -- is entirely on Kaoru. As far as Kojiro is concerned, they just have to take the plunge and tackle any issues as they come.
But Kaoru overthinks everything. He likes to joke about Kojiro's supposed ignorance, but there's a flipside to Kaoru's intelligence. It's part of why Kojiro is so demanding and rough with him; to arrest that constant barrage of thought, get him out of his own head, even for a little while. Kojiro loves that brain just as much as he adores the rest of Kaoru, but it needs a break every once in a while.
Kojiro's hands shift under Kaoru's, to weave their fingers together, entwine them that much closer. His chin comes to rest on Kaoru's shoulder, and when he tilts his head, he can just meet Kaoru's gaze out of the corner of his eye. ]
I'm serious. I'll be serious. But if you got something to say, then say it.
[ Funny how such a short and simple response can send Kaoru's heart racing. It's not so much a question of whether or not Kojiro can be serious—Kaoru has seen it, mainly in skating but in a few other situations, too. He'll never forget Kojiro's face swimming into blurry view as he was lifted into his arms after Adam's attack nor the way he looked when Kaoru woke up to see him there in the hospital room next to his bed. Kojiro can be serious enough to open his own restaurant and win countless races and apparently consider the insanity that had been starting a relationship with Kaoru. In many ways, he's always been the one to take Kaoru seriously, all the way back to high school when he'd been under Adam's spell.
Grunting at the way Kojiro squeezes him while closing whatever distance remains between them, Kaoru grips his hands tightly and ignores the fact that he can see Kojiro's eyes in his peripheral vision. Blame it on contacts, or whatever he wants, but he needs a moment of pretending he isn't being watched while he decides whether or not to run from this.
He wiggles in Kojiro's arms until he can get free of them and pull off of the bike. His knees are still weak and his thighs sticky, but he isn't trying to walk away; instead, he turns around and straddles the motorcycle backwards so he can look up into Kojiro's face properly. He wished this could be done in bed where he'd have the stability to drape his legs over Kojiro's hips and cling to him as much as he wants, but he needs to keep his toes on the ground so slinging his arms around Kojiro's neck will have to be enough for now. ]
I think it's safe to be out in S. I'm not saying I want to announce it or anything loud or official, but we're going to be caught eventually even if we try to hide it. We should at least tell our friends, though I'm not sure it's entirely appropriate for the kids...
[ He's overthinking things again, as usual, but this time at least he's doing it out loud where Kojiro can chime in with his very valid opinion. This is a relationship, after all, so his comfort is just as important. ]
[ Luckily for Kaoru -- or possibly unfortunately for Kaoru, depending on the state of his pride at that moment -- Kojiro is a beast, in conjunction with being fairly adept at anticipating Kaoru's needs. Being face to face is great, but considering they were practically melding into each other just a few moments previous, their current situation feels like too much distance. So before Kaoru can settle too much over the bike, Kojiro gets an arm around his waist and yanks him closer, coaxes Kaoru's legs up over his own thighs. Better. Kaoru can stay all wrapped up around Kojiro like this, even if it's nothing more than Kojiro’s (considerable) strength holding him there. ]
Hey. [ Low, soothing, and plying. ] Whatever you wanna do, whenever you're ready, I'm game. Okay? Don't overthink it. You got me, and I'm not going anywhere.
[ It's probably easier to say that from where Kojiro's sitting. Easier, when he doesn't have the burden of considering and reconsidering every possible angle. So maybe, possibly, baby steps would be better. ]
If you're worried, how about we start small? Maybe 'small' just looks like-- I don't know. Not trying to hide it anymore? Doesn't have to be anything big. Try to think about what we would look like, if we didn't have to worry about what other people think, and treat me like that.
[ Maybe it wouldn't even look very different. They've always stuck close to one another at S, and even had their moments of sexually-frustrated sniping, or -- very rarely -- genuine affection. How much would anyone really question it, if Joe draped a casual arm around Cherry's shoulders, or if Cherry leaned a touch too close to Joe in private conversation? ]
And when we get comfortable with that, we can think about something more. Does that work?
[ Kaoru definitely should have anticipated Kojiro manhandling him closer, and while he doesn't hate it, he grunts at the rough treatment. With his legs draped over Kojiro's hips and pelvis pressed tightly to Kojiro's, he takes a moment to swat at his shoulder even as his cock throbs with weak interest. It's going to feel like a long night, given what Kojiro had promised is in store for them as soon as they make it back to his apartment; Kaoru is just as likely to complain about it as he is their current position.
Sighing a little, he slumps against Kojiro's chest and allows himself to rely on his strength to stay upright on the bike. This evening has barely begun, and already they've had wild sex and an emotionally charged conversation. He feels exhausted, even to close his eyes for a moment and just soak up the warmth radiating from Kojiro's bare chest. Kaoru can hear the reassuring thumb of his heartbeat, too, and moves a hand down from the back of his neck to splay his fingers over his chest. ]
You say that like it's so easy. I doubt anyone would be surprised that I'm gay, but you... pass. Your whole life has been spent as a model heterosexual meatheat. [ He peaks up at Kojiro, leaving the rest of his conclusion to hang in the air—how he doesn't have to give up that safety for Kaoru, how he should seriously consider the consequences of coming out even just in one area of their lives, how it's just as hard to be a bisexual man if not harder.
He makes good points, however, even if Kaoru can't see how things would change much without a conscious effort to be more out about their relationship. Maybe he wouldn't snap as often if Kojiro was more firm about rejecting female advances, or maybe Kaoru would be more likely to seek physical touches to make up after squabbling. It's hard to say, but when he tries to picture them as a couple as Kojiro had suggested, one thing does stand out. ]
I want to wear this. [ His fingers tangle in the necklace hanging between the comfortable pillows of Kojiro's pecs. ]
[ Kojiro's smile really could light up the night. ]
Yeah?
[ Another soft kiss lands at Kaoru's temple. That's simultaneously the simplest and most complicated thing Kaoru could request out of this, and Kojiro doesn't even think twice about it. Not much ambiguity in wearing each other's jewelry or clothing, but it's such a subtle and perfectly-Kaoru symbol. Making demands, staking his claim, leaving no question of his territory, but in the most figurative way he can manage. Perfect.
So there's no question. Kojiro keeps one arm around Kaoru's waist to hold him steady, but -- one-handed -- reaches behind himself to grasp the back of the necklace and pull it over his head. It's such a simple thing, a lightweight pendant on a black silk cord, and he's honestly amazed he hasn't lost the thing by now. It was the first purchase he'd ever made in Italy, something to ease the loneliness of leaving Kaoru behind, snagged on a whim from some tourist trap in the market. Part of him always meant to give it to Kaoru anyway, to surprise him with it the first time he came to visit, but he got too used to wearing it. It was like he carried a piece of Kaoru around with him, a comfortable weight against his chest to remind him that Kaoru was only ever a text or call away.
But he doesn't really need that reminder anymore; not when Kaoru's in his arms every night. So maybe it can serve the same purpose for Kaoru now. A reminder. That he's deeply loved, that Kojiro's not backing down, that they're together through thick and thin. Maybe nothing can allay his anxieties completely, and they're all valid and firmly founded. But if it helps, even a little, Kojiro's glad to let him have it.
Kojiro's fingers splay wide along the back of the cord, and he carefully passes it over Kaoru's head, mindful of his hair and piercings. And, when it's settled around his neck, Kojiro dips his head to press a kiss to the pendant against Kaoru's chest. ]
I'm your meathead, baby. So it's yours.
[ Kojiro leans back to survey it, and-- Fuck, that does something to him; straight to his cock. His lopsided grin probably gives him away. ]
[ For some reason, Kaoru had been bracing himself for a rejection. He knows the significance of the necklace—thinks he does, at least, given it had come back from Italy with Kojiro and never left. It's obviously precious to him if he wears it all these years later, a sign that he's kept it in good condition despite it accompanying him through beefs and trips and bickering fights with Kaoru. Yet Kojiro removes it easy as anything and passes it over Kaoru's head, fingers brushing his hair and neck and ears and making him shiver. The cord and pendant are warm from where they'd rested against Kojiro's chest, a fact that makes Kaoru flush both with satisfaction and embarrassment at how content he feels to wear this. It's a symbol of their relationship, but it's also just a reminder that Kojiro is always with him. Sentimental bullshit he wouldn't be caught dead speaking of so plainly without the comfort and safety of a warm bed and late hour.
Humming at Kojiro bows to kiss the necklace, Kaoru laces his fingers against the back of his head and keeps him in place. They probably look ridiculous all twisted together like this, but for once he doesn't give a second thought to appearances. When Kojiro leans back, Kaoru lets him straighten up, but only so much. That grin is all too inviting for Kaoru to tug him back in for a kiss that he can hide his smug smile against. ]
What about you? How do you picture us being more open about being a couple?
[ That's-- actually a really good question. Kojiro can't honestly say he'd given it much thought before tonight, because it seemed either far outside any realm of possibility, or so distantly in the future that it didn't bear considering yet. But--
Hell, there is something he's (begrudgingly) considered on occasion. Something he'll have to concede to eventually, thorn in his side though it feels right now. Better to rip off the bandage early on, try to adjust before he's forced to fully immerse himself in the reality of it, more for Kaoru's sake than anything. ]
I guess I could wear something with Carla on it. Like your bracelet. If you wanted to make me something like that. I wouldn't use her for races or anything, but-- Probably be easier to send you messages when I'm doing prep. And she'd make measurement conversions easier.
[ It's more complicated than that, and they both know it. Let alone that Carla's always been a huge point of contention for Kojiro; at the end of the day, it's a step closer to integrating their lives, and that's significant, even if neither of them acknowledge it as such. ]
And let me touch you at S. Doesn't have to be anything big, but-- Grabbing your hand, or kissing your cheek, without you hitting me for it? That'd be pretty nice.
[ The fact that Kojiro has to pause to think about it twists something in Kaoru's chest. He realizes that he's probably never allowed himself to think about it at length because he's so ridiculously selfless in their relationship. When it comes to sex and what they do in private, Kojiro can be wild and demanding, but beyond that, he's always been so patient with Kaoru. It makes him feel selfish for being so stuck in his own head that he gets caught up in his aloof image cultivated to protect a tender heart. Kojiro deserves better, and it's just another reason for them to ease up on the strict secrecy of their relationship.
When the answer comes, it's a shock. Kojiro has always teased him about Carla and his dependency on her, either from mock jealousy or genuine concern. Looking up at Kojiro as he tries to gauge the sincerity of the request, Kaoru twirls his fingers through the hair at the nape of Kojiro's neck. He has to admit that he enjoys the thought of them being connected through something no one else has access to, not to mention pride in his creation being useful for his boyfriend. There is room for compromise, of course, even in this. ]
Are you sure? You've always hated Carla. I suppose I could rename the program if you want, and change the color.
[ Perhaps that would defeat the purpose of wearing a noticeable mark of Kaoru's presence in his life, but it's a suggestion worth making. It's true that having Kojiro more closely linked to his digital assistant would feel like a step towards... well, things that Kojiro has mentioned through texts that Kaoru is going to pretend never graced his sight since it's easier on his heart to forget about them for the time being.
Chuckling at the second request, he lifts an eyebrow. ] And here I thought you got off on being hit. But yes, of course, touching will go both ways. Please work up to outright kissing me, though, or I may suffer a heart attack.
You better not change a damn thing. I want matching pink bracelets, you tease.
[ Granted, it wouldn't be Kojiro's first color choice, but that's entirely the point. An ever-present reminder resting on his wrist, something undeniably Kaoru, on display for all to see. Kind of perfect, if Kojiro's honest with himself. Kaoru doesn't have to compromise anything, especially considering he's bold enough to wear Kojiro's necklace around a crowd who'll definitely pick up on exactly what that means.
But it's late, and a car engine in the near distance pulls Kojiro resentfully back to reality. They need to wrap this up, loathe though Kojiro may be to let Kaoru go. He sighs, and bullies another soft kiss onto Kaoru's cheek. ]
Careful; you give me an invitation like that, I'll never stop. But c'mon, beautiful. Show time. Let's do this.
[ Kojiro did promise more later, after all. What's a couple more hours to wait? ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I know you're not as familiar with the concept of quick thinking, but it is just one benefit of high intelligence. [ He tilts his head back against Kojiro's shoulder and turns to kiss beneath his jaw in a silent sign that he's ribbing him rather than intending to actually insult. The shift from their dynamic before still astounds him, because they still bicker, but now he can reassure Kojiro through physical signs that it's all teasing and Kaoru's own struggle with allowing himself to be vulnerable. ]
If you plan on letting me win, there's no point in claiming the forfeit. I'm not a thief, after all, so I won't be stealing the race.
[ Going silent for a moment, he covers Kojiro's hands with his own where they rest on his body with their large span and warm weight. Joking about this is fine and all, but he knows that they need to have a serious conversation about the potential consequences of being a little less secretive. ] I need you to be serious...
no subject
[ For once, there's no defensive edge to his tone. Kojiro doesn't have any room or any right to feel wounded here. He might have no idea what he's getting himself into, but Kaoru's already had to live through it. Carrying any anxious burden -- about what will happen, what could go wrong, whether Kojiro can handle this -- is entirely on Kaoru. As far as Kojiro is concerned, they just have to take the plunge and tackle any issues as they come.
But Kaoru overthinks everything. He likes to joke about Kojiro's supposed ignorance, but there's a flipside to Kaoru's intelligence. It's part of why Kojiro is so demanding and rough with him; to arrest that constant barrage of thought, get him out of his own head, even for a little while. Kojiro loves that brain just as much as he adores the rest of Kaoru, but it needs a break every once in a while.
Kojiro's hands shift under Kaoru's, to weave their fingers together, entwine them that much closer. His chin comes to rest on Kaoru's shoulder, and when he tilts his head, he can just meet Kaoru's gaze out of the corner of his eye. ]
I'm serious. I'll be serious. But if you got something to say, then say it.
no subject
Grunting at the way Kojiro squeezes him while closing whatever distance remains between them, Kaoru grips his hands tightly and ignores the fact that he can see Kojiro's eyes in his peripheral vision. Blame it on contacts, or whatever he wants, but he needs a moment of pretending he isn't being watched while he decides whether or not to run from this.
He wiggles in Kojiro's arms until he can get free of them and pull off of the bike. His knees are still weak and his thighs sticky, but he isn't trying to walk away; instead, he turns around and straddles the motorcycle backwards so he can look up into Kojiro's face properly. He wished this could be done in bed where he'd have the stability to drape his legs over Kojiro's hips and cling to him as much as he wants, but he needs to keep his toes on the ground so slinging his arms around Kojiro's neck will have to be enough for now. ]
I think it's safe to be out in S. I'm not saying I want to announce it or anything loud or official, but we're going to be caught eventually even if we try to hide it. We should at least tell our friends, though I'm not sure it's entirely appropriate for the kids...
[ He's overthinking things again, as usual, but this time at least he's doing it out loud where Kojiro can chime in with his very valid opinion. This is a relationship, after all, so his comfort is just as important. ]
no subject
Hey. [ Low, soothing, and plying. ] Whatever you wanna do, whenever you're ready, I'm game. Okay? Don't overthink it. You got me, and I'm not going anywhere.
[ It's probably easier to say that from where Kojiro's sitting. Easier, when he doesn't have the burden of considering and reconsidering every possible angle. So maybe, possibly, baby steps would be better. ]
If you're worried, how about we start small? Maybe 'small' just looks like-- I don't know. Not trying to hide it anymore? Doesn't have to be anything big. Try to think about what we would look like, if we didn't have to worry about what other people think, and treat me like that.
[ Maybe it wouldn't even look very different. They've always stuck close to one another at S, and even had their moments of sexually-frustrated sniping, or -- very rarely -- genuine affection. How much would anyone really question it, if Joe draped a casual arm around Cherry's shoulders, or if Cherry leaned a touch too close to Joe in private conversation? ]
And when we get comfortable with that, we can think about something more. Does that work?
no subject
Sighing a little, he slumps against Kojiro's chest and allows himself to rely on his strength to stay upright on the bike. This evening has barely begun, and already they've had wild sex and an emotionally charged conversation. He feels exhausted, even to close his eyes for a moment and just soak up the warmth radiating from Kojiro's bare chest. Kaoru can hear the reassuring thumb of his heartbeat, too, and moves a hand down from the back of his neck to splay his fingers over his chest. ]
You say that like it's so easy. I doubt anyone would be surprised that I'm gay, but you... pass. Your whole life has been spent as a model heterosexual meatheat. [ He peaks up at Kojiro, leaving the rest of his conclusion to hang in the air—how he doesn't have to give up that safety for Kaoru, how he should seriously consider the consequences of coming out even just in one area of their lives, how it's just as hard to be a bisexual man if not harder.
He makes good points, however, even if Kaoru can't see how things would change much without a conscious effort to be more out about their relationship. Maybe he wouldn't snap as often if Kojiro was more firm about rejecting female advances, or maybe Kaoru would be more likely to seek physical touches to make up after squabbling. It's hard to say, but when he tries to picture them as a couple as Kojiro had suggested, one thing does stand out. ]
I want to wear this. [ His fingers tangle in the necklace hanging between the comfortable pillows of Kojiro's pecs. ]
no subject
Yeah?
[ Another soft kiss lands at Kaoru's temple. That's simultaneously the simplest and most complicated thing Kaoru could request out of this, and Kojiro doesn't even think twice about it. Not much ambiguity in wearing each other's jewelry or clothing, but it's such a subtle and perfectly-Kaoru symbol. Making demands, staking his claim, leaving no question of his territory, but in the most figurative way he can manage. Perfect.
So there's no question. Kojiro keeps one arm around Kaoru's waist to hold him steady, but -- one-handed -- reaches behind himself to grasp the back of the necklace and pull it over his head. It's such a simple thing, a lightweight pendant on a black silk cord, and he's honestly amazed he hasn't lost the thing by now. It was the first purchase he'd ever made in Italy, something to ease the loneliness of leaving Kaoru behind, snagged on a whim from some tourist trap in the market. Part of him always meant to give it to Kaoru anyway, to surprise him with it the first time he came to visit, but he got too used to wearing it. It was like he carried a piece of Kaoru around with him, a comfortable weight against his chest to remind him that Kaoru was only ever a text or call away.
But he doesn't really need that reminder anymore; not when Kaoru's in his arms every night. So maybe it can serve the same purpose for Kaoru now. A reminder. That he's deeply loved, that Kojiro's not backing down, that they're together through thick and thin. Maybe nothing can allay his anxieties completely, and they're all valid and firmly founded. But if it helps, even a little, Kojiro's glad to let him have it.
Kojiro's fingers splay wide along the back of the cord, and he carefully passes it over Kaoru's head, mindful of his hair and piercings. And, when it's settled around his neck, Kojiro dips his head to press a kiss to the pendant against Kaoru's chest. ]
I'm your meathead, baby. So it's yours.
[ Kojiro leans back to survey it, and-- Fuck, that does something to him; straight to his cock. His lopsided grin probably gives him away. ]
Looks better on you.
wow so many typos in that last tag, my bad
Humming at Kojiro bows to kiss the necklace, Kaoru laces his fingers against the back of his head and keeps him in place. They probably look ridiculous all twisted together like this, but for once he doesn't give a second thought to appearances. When Kojiro leans back, Kaoru lets him straighten up, but only so much. That grin is all too inviting for Kaoru to tug him back in for a kiss that he can hide his smug smile against. ]
What about you? How do you picture us being more open about being a couple?
no subject
Hell, there is something he's (begrudgingly) considered on occasion. Something he'll have to concede to eventually, thorn in his side though it feels right now. Better to rip off the bandage early on, try to adjust before he's forced to fully immerse himself in the reality of it, more for Kaoru's sake than anything. ]
I guess I could wear something with Carla on it. Like your bracelet. If you wanted to make me something like that. I wouldn't use her for races or anything, but-- Probably be easier to send you messages when I'm doing prep. And she'd make measurement conversions easier.
[ It's more complicated than that, and they both know it. Let alone that Carla's always been a huge point of contention for Kojiro; at the end of the day, it's a step closer to integrating their lives, and that's significant, even if neither of them acknowledge it as such. ]
And let me touch you at S. Doesn't have to be anything big, but-- Grabbing your hand, or kissing your cheek, without you hitting me for it? That'd be pretty nice.
no subject
When the answer comes, it's a shock. Kojiro has always teased him about Carla and his dependency on her, either from mock jealousy or genuine concern. Looking up at Kojiro as he tries to gauge the sincerity of the request, Kaoru twirls his fingers through the hair at the nape of Kojiro's neck. He has to admit that he enjoys the thought of them being connected through something no one else has access to, not to mention pride in his creation being useful for his boyfriend. There is room for compromise, of course, even in this. ]
Are you sure? You've always hated Carla. I suppose I could rename the program if you want, and change the color.
[ Perhaps that would defeat the purpose of wearing a noticeable mark of Kaoru's presence in his life, but it's a suggestion worth making. It's true that having Kojiro more closely linked to his digital assistant would feel like a step towards... well, things that Kojiro has mentioned through texts that Kaoru is going to pretend never graced his sight since it's easier on his heart to forget about them for the time being.
Chuckling at the second request, he lifts an eyebrow. ] And here I thought you got off on being hit. But yes, of course, touching will go both ways. Please work up to outright kissing me, though, or I may suffer a heart attack.
just putting a bow on this
[ Granted, it wouldn't be Kojiro's first color choice, but that's entirely the point. An ever-present reminder resting on his wrist, something undeniably Kaoru, on display for all to see. Kind of perfect, if Kojiro's honest with himself. Kaoru doesn't have to compromise anything, especially considering he's bold enough to wear Kojiro's necklace around a crowd who'll definitely pick up on exactly what that means.
But it's late, and a car engine in the near distance pulls Kojiro resentfully back to reality. They need to wrap this up, loathe though Kojiro may be to let Kaoru go. He sighs, and bullies another soft kiss onto Kaoru's cheek. ]
Careful; you give me an invitation like that, I'll never stop. But c'mon, beautiful. Show time. Let's do this.
[ Kojiro did promise more later, after all. What's a couple more hours to wait? ]